


Incorrect JLU and Seven Soldiers

by Callie_Girl



Category: Justice League & Justice League Unlimited (Cartoons), Seven Soldiers of Victory
Genre: Incorrect Quotes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-11-08 03:41:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17973785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Callie_Girl/pseuds/Callie_Girl
Summary: Seven soldiers of victory incorrect quotes. And JLU





	1. 1

Sir Justin; Don’t do anything stupid.  
Vigilante; You do stupid things too!  
Sir Justin; Really? Like what?  
Vigilante; Me.

Sir Justin; I want to show you a picture from last night that really upset me.  
Vigilante; I know, but Lee bet me fifty cents I couldn’t drink the entire bottle of shampoo.  
Sir Justin; That’s not what I-  
Sir Justin; YOU DRANK SHAMPOO?!

Crimson Avenger; OKAY! That’s it. Swear words are now illegal. Say one and you will be fined.  
Vigilante; Heck.  
Vigilante; Shoot.  
Vigilante; Frick.  
Crimson Avenger; You’re on thin fucking ice.  
Crimson Avenger; Oh no…

*After meeting Sir Justin for the first time*  
Vigilante; I’m sorry… I’m just having trouble processing it…  
Constantine; *hands him a pamphlet*  
Vigilante; “so you’ve found out you’re bi”- I DON’T WANT YOUR STUPID PAMPHLET!

Superman; Question, I know you went to kill Luthor when I told you not to.  
Question, internally; play dumb.  
Question; Who’s Question?  
Question, internally; NOT THAT DUMB

“Everyone’s tragic backstories gave them amazing skills and all I got was trust issues and anxiety.”  
-Vigilante, at some point 

Justin; How to keep your boyfriend from stealing your hoodies? Easy. But him the exact same one.  
Greg; You fool. Now I'll have two of the same hoodies.

Pat; You know, Courtney, I'm a very tough person. I don't even remember the last time I cried.  
Courtney; It was yesterday, as we were walking home. You accidentally stepped on a dogs tail and burst into tears.

Courtney; Hey, look! I made a marshmallow Lee! His arms are crossed cause he's mad at all the other marshmallow people for annoying him. Do you like it?  
Crimson Avenger, choked up; It's okay.

Lee; Hey Greg, can I have some dating advice?  
Greg; Just because I'm datin' Justin don't mean I know how I did it.

Pat; I spy something that starts with s.  
Lee; Socks?  
Pat; Nope.  
Arrow; *looking at Greg and Justin arguing* Sexual tension?  
Pat; Yep.


	2. 2

Lee, to Justin; I have an idea, but if you’re going to have a problem with stealing, then you’re not going to like the rest of this conversation.

Justin; I know you’re deflecting by making jokes about how hot you are.  
Greg, while in hysterics; It’s not a joke, I’m a legit snack.

Constantine; If I die unexpectedly can everyone just do the right thing and pretend I was a way better person than I am?

Question; Can I have an intervention? Helena, you can't punch ghosts.  
Huntress; Can I have an intervention?  
Huntress; Shut the fuck up.

Arrow; We can't just shoot people!  
Greg; Not with that attitude we can't!

Flash; In your opinion, what's the height of stupidity?  
Batman; I don't know. Superman, how tall are you?

Greg; Hawkgirl, what a surprise.  
Shaera; A pleasant one?  
Greg; I wouldn't go that far.

Lee; You'd shoot a man in the back?  
Greg; Well, that's the safest way, ain't it?

Question; We promised Superman we wouldn't fuck everything up while he was gone.  
Greg; No, YOU did. I never promise Supy anything. That way I can't disappoint him. Because unlike you, I TRY to be considerate.

Speedy; Telling someone “You’re shit” and “You ain’t shit” are both insults.  
Stargirl; “You are not shit” is reassurance, but “You are not the shit” is an insult.  
Speedy, getting panicked; “You are the shit” is a compliment.  
Nightwing; It's three fucking am.

Greg; What did I specifically tell you not to do?  
Stargirl; Be an idiot.  
Greg; And what did you do?  
Stargirl; Be an idiot.

Greg; Wait for it, wait for it... it's 9:01! Justin is officially late for the first time ever. Alright, let’s do this. Who’s got theories?  
Speedy; His alarm didn't go off.  
Greg; All three alarms, all with battery backups? Come on, who wants to take this seriously?  
Arrow; Oh! He was taken in his sleep.  
Greg; That’s what I’m talking about. Super dark, Ollie, but way more plausible than Roy's idiotic alarm clock theory.  
Stargirl; I bet he tucked himself into be too tightly and got trapped.

Greg; Oh, look at all the pretties!  
Justin; please stop talking about assault rifles the same way normal people talk about shoes.

Lee; I have a plan.  
M'gan; Thank goodness.  
Less; it involves fire.  
M'gan; absolutely not.

Pat; Where are you going?  
Courtney; Hell.

Greg or Lee; I'd rather be pecked to death by a flock of hummingbirds.

Greg; I don't give a damn!  
Pat; You give so many damns they're visible from SPACE.

Helena; It'll be easy. You just have to seduce her.  
Question; You're kidding, right? I'm about as seductive as a cabbage.

Zatara; You ripped a portal to another dimension in your washing machine? ARe you on drugs?  
Constantine; For the record, it's the dryer.  
Zatara; That's not the point.


	3. 3

Website; please confirm your password.  
Justin, typing; yes, this is my password.

Question; Allow me. Locks are my speciality.  
Question; *throws tree through door*

Lee; Greg, what was that noise?  
Greg; My hat fell.  
Lee; sounded heavier than a hat.  
Greg; … I was in it.

Huntress; I’ll put down A to make “A.”  
Pat; I will add to your A and make “At.”  
Lee; I will add to your At to make “Rat.”  
Question; I will add to your Rat to make biostratigraphic.  
Huntress; *flips board*

Vigilante; B’sides, rules were made to be broken!  
Shining Knight; No! Nothing is made to be broken!  
Pat; What about pinatas?  
Lee; Glowsticks.  
Question; Spaghetti, if you have a small pot.  
Vigilante; and rules!

Justin, answering the phone; hello?  
Vigilante; It’s Greg.  
Justin; what did he do?  
Vigilante; No! It’s me, Greg!  
Justin; Oh.  
Justin; What did you do?

Canary; I’m gonna fucking kill you.  
Huntress; Oh really? Do it.  
Canary; …  
Huntress; That’s what I thought.

Pat; You know, when I was your age-  
Lee; You know, when I was your height…  
Pat;…  
Pat; Listen here-

Zatana; What if “It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” are about the same occurrence but from different perspectives?  
Jason Blood; I’m begging you to stop-  
Constantine; No wait let her finish.

Question; Fine! Call me stupid all you want, but-  
Question; *points at Greg* Tried to shoot an alien with regular revolvers-  
Question; *points at Ollie and Roy* charged a mutant with just their bows-  
Question; *points at Justin* insulted the monster beating the living daylights out of him-  
Question; *points at Lee* Went out of a fight in five seconds-  
Question; *pointing at Huntress* AND SHE STARTED DATING ME!

Zatana; Justice League Dark is competent!  
Constantine, running in; WE TRIED TO MAKE PASGETTI IN THE BLOODY COFFEE MACHINE AND THE KITCHEN IS ON FIRE HELP

Huntress; *rests a hand on Questions thigh.*  
Question; What’s that you’re doing?  
Huntress; Affection.  
Question; horrendous.  
Question; do it again.

Huntress; Shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick.

Vig; I trust Justin.  
Arrow; You think he knows what he’s doing?  
Vig; fuck no.

Justin, texting; Call me.  
Greg, texting; I can’t find my phone. I’ll call you when I find it.  
Justin, texting; Okay.  
Five minutes later…  
Justin, texting; You’re killing me, you know that? You are killing your boyfriend.

Stargirl; I like that we use “oh man” to express disappointment because men are generally disappointing.

It’s my god given bisexual right to be dramatic.  
-Vigilante  
-John Constantine

Speedy and Stargirl, wearing Santa hats, aggressively shaking maracas and stalking towards their prey;  
You better watch out  
You BetTer WatCh oUt  
YoU BeTeR WaTcH oUt  
YOU BETTER WATCH OUT  
Sir Justin, falling out of bed; what THE-

Greg; wow, it sure is muggy outside.  
Justin; if I go outside and all the mugs are in the yard, I’m going to scream.  
Greg; *sips whiskey from bowl*

Speedy; shirts are crazy. Your body goes in one hole and comes out of three.  
Nightwing; I’m literally begging you to stop.

Speedy; Life… is like an egg.  
Stargirl; explain.  
Speedy; has chickens in it sometimes.  
Stargirl; fuck you

Roy; baby Jesus was like a chicken wing.  
Nightwing; What?!  
Roy; tender and mild

Lee, texting; Sometimes a clown is in your room. Sometimes not. It depends.  
Pat; if there’s a clown in my room I’ll kill you in real life

Ollie; YOU COULD HAVE DIED!!  
Roy; relax. The doctor said all the bleeding was internal. That’s where the blood is supposed to be!

On a hike;  
Sir Justin; Nature is beautiful!  
Crimson Avenger, sunburned as hell; MOTHER NATURE’S A WHORE.  
Ollie; Mother Nature wants you both to shut the fuck up

Ollie, tapping on the window; Hey kid, wanna buy some drugs?  
Vig; Okay, first off, you’re outside the Watchtower-

Pat; If there is one thing I know how to do, it’s cook!  
Courtney; what’re you making over there? Fire?  
Pat; *turns around and sees fire* OH MY GOD-

Question; You wanna know how I got these scars?  
Pat, in the distance; BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T USE N E O S P O R I N

Pat; why are people so obsessed with top or bottom? I’d be excited just to have a bunk bed.  
Ollie; I’m gonna tell him.  
Courtney; don’t you dare.

Question; You took my coffee.  
Question; I’ll take your organs

Lee; Go talk to him.  
Vig; I can’t! I don’t know what to say!  
Lee; tell him he has pretty eyes or some shit.  
Vig; *nods and walks over to Justin* Hey. You have eyes.  
Justin; …. okay…  
Vig, running away; BYE

Roy, to the tune of the Jurassic Park Theme; whAT ARE THOOO0000ooose- whAT ARE THOOO0000ooose- what are tHOOOOOOOOOOOSE!!!!


	4. 4

Roy; If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?  
Stargirl; weak.  
Pat; Strong.  
Nightwing; an idiot.

Roy; what if the g in gif is silent?  
Nightwing; go the fuck to sleep.  
Roy; what gif I don’t want to?

Roy; there’s lightly fried fish filets in the kitchen.  
Stargirl; it’s 1:15 am.  
Roy; do you want the light fried fish filets or not?  
Stargirl; Well, yea.  
Roy; good. Come downstairs while they’re still hot.  
Stargirl; wait, did you just make them?  
Roy; I wasn’t tired so I decided to make lightly fried fish filets.  
Stargirl; say lightly fried fish fillets one more time.

Greg; I’m regretting getting you that knife for your birthday.  
Lee, eating ice cream with said knife; why?

Pat on a date  
Woman; so, do you have any pets?  
Pat, remembering that girls like sensitive guys; I have a cat.  
Woman; what’s its name?  
Pat, remembering that girls like tough guys; missile launcher.

Roy; It’s not breaking and entering if you don’t break anything!

Ollie; Roy, how did you find me?  
Roy; I saw a huge explosion and wondered, now who could that be?

Stargirl; why are you making chocolate pudding at one am?  
Roy; because I’ve lost control of my life.

Justin; what’s your sleep schedule?  
Greg; bold of you to assume I sleep.

Roy; *walks in*  
Roy; I think my last wish will be for men in Teletubby suits to chase little children around, only to drag them into dark alleyways.  
Roy; *walks out*  
Nightwing; what the fuck?!?!

Lee; a demon summoning? Why?  
Roy and Greg; to summon a demon, dumbass

Roy; do you mind if I take the skin off a furby?  
Roy; I want to make him a god. Once he is free of his sinful flesh, he can begin the path towards enlightenment. He will take care of us.  
Roy; Also I want to soft hack his circuits.  
Nightwing; I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again.

“Octopuses are just wet spiders.”  
\- Roy, at some point.

Greg; I’m terrible at apologies so… Un-fuck you, or whatever.

Justin; it’s a device… for talking. I don’t know. I press the Greg button and he answers. Usually.

Harper; Oh! I’m so happy I could kiss you!  
Halo; Neat.  
(later)  
Halo; I can’t believe I said neat!!  
Justin; ‘Tis not the worst that could happen. Remember what I said to Greg when he told me he loved me?  
Halo; didn’t you thank him?  
Forager; Justin thanked Greg.

Ollie; What. The. Fuck.  
Greg; You’ll have to be more specific. I do lots of ‘what the fuck’ stuff.

Greg; no fear.  
*Thanagarian appears*  
Greg; one fear.

Vigilante: I'm telling you, Molotov cocktails work. Any time I had a problem, and I threw a Molotov cocktail - Boom! Right away, I had a different problem.  
Shining Knight: He makes a strong case.


	5. 5

Roy; You know, if you think about it, everything in the universe is either a potato or not a potato.  
Nightwing;…  
Nightwing; I GUESS

Greg; I finished my latest work after working on it for three days straight and now life has no more meaning.  
Justin; you should get some sleep.  
Greg; what kind of hero do you take me for?

Stupid TV guy; I’ve seen showgirls with more modesty!  
Wonder Woman; [[[IN H A L E S]]] B O I

Roy; Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think I can do anything.

Ollie; A water balloon fight.  
Darkseid; what?  
Ollie; that’s how we always settle things on the Watch Tower. That or freestyle rap battles.

Roy; All we need is a blimp and a decoy blimp.  
Nightwing; Okay, for what I hope is the last time, but will assume is not the last time, our strategy does not involve blimps.

Ollie; Just tell them we’re Justice League.  
Lee; we’re what?  
Ollie; out of control adults with a death wish.

I consider every day we don’t die a success.  
-All of the Seven Soldiers of Victory

Stargirl; Pat, why does the Metro Tower have blast shields?  
Pat; Trust me, Courtney, you don’t want to know how many answers there are to the question.

Helena; any other meaningless conspiracy theories?  
Question; Yes. Did you know that Go-Gurt is just yoghurt?

Superman; How is everyone?  
Stargirl; love isn’t real.  
Greg: What is the purpose of life?  
Lee: Reality itself is a figment of our imaginations.  
Speedy: But what do our imaginations even run on?  
Pat: What is real?  
Ollie: How can we even tell?  
Superman: …Bye.

Roy; I have become one with the shadows.  
Stargirl; You’re just hiding under the table.  
Roy; I AM ONE WITH THE SHADOWS!  
Stargirl; fair enough.

Pat; you know what dads fear the most?  
Courtney; clowns.  
Pat; no.  
Courtney; evil clowns.  
Pat; no.  
Courtney; evil clowns named Gigi who hide under your bed and whisper evil things in the night.  
Pat; hold on-

When do any of our plans actually work? We plan, we get there, all hell breaks loose.  
\- Ollie

Roy; ‘Knowledge’ is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, ‘wisdom’ is not putting it in a fruit salad.  
Nightwing; that was deep.  
Roy; philosophy is wondering if ketchup is a smoothie.  
Nightwing; even deeper.  
Stargirl; common sense is knowing that ketchup is not a smoothie, ya nasties.

If spiders were the size of cats, would they be less scary or more scary? On the one hand, they wouldn’t get into your house easily. But on the other hand, once they’re in there, ohhhhhh boy. Oh boy.  
\- Roy

Greg; Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest, that just sounds nice and cosy, but if I invite you to my cabin in the woods, you’re going to die.  
Stargirl; my favourite is ‘butt dial’ vs ‘booty call.’  
Nightwing; it’s called connotation.  
Roy; Also, “forgive me, father, I have sinned,” vs “sorry daddy, I’ve been naughty”.  
Pat; Great news! Language is cancelled!

Greg; Maybe if we set the Thanagarian ship on fire-  
Lee, taking away every lighter; No. That’s a no.

Pat; Oh fiddlesticks!  
Lee; Look, I understand this is a tense situation, but let’s watch the fucking language.

Batman; *breaks the law*  
Batman; *duct tapes it back together.*

Recent studies show that I hate everything  
\- Batman

Lee; so, I did the only thing a man can do in such a situation.  
Justin; you called for help?  
Lee; no. I stabbed one of them in the shoulder.  
Greg; of course.

Greg; be careful. Thanagarians are a very aggressive species and must be approached with extreme caution.  
*sees Thanagarian*  
Greg, using a megaphone; FUCK OFF

Greg; Am I in trouble?  
Justin; take a guess.  
Greg; No?  
Justin; Take another guess.

Roy; we’re screwed.  
Ollie; tell me something I don’t know.  
Roy; okay. Did you know that America has never lost a war when they used donkeys?

Greg; You know, ya can’t spell stupid without a “u.”  
Hro; Well, you can’t spell it without “i” either!  
Greg;…  
Greg; I rest m’ case.

Roy; I HAVE THE KEY TO A FORKLIFT!  
Roy; MY TIME OF ULTIMATE SHENANIGAN GLORY HAS COME

Huntress; Babydoll, you can’t solve all of your problems with coffee.  
Vic, who hasn’t slept for three days; I can try!

What must it be like to not be crippled by fear and self-loathing?  
\- Crimson Avenger

Vic; Are you sure you made the right choice?  
Helena; I don’t make mistakes, Babydoll. I do crosswords with sharpies and never learned the shortcut for undo.  
Vic; It’s ctrl z.  
Helena; Don’t need it. Won’t use it.

I’ve never been an inspiration before, I don’t like this much responsibility  
\- Question

Revenge is the best sleeping pill  
-Batman

Roy; Do you think horses get songs stuck in their heads?  
Nightwing; Oh my god, I don’t know, Roy, go to sleep

Chas Chandler about John Constantine; That’s my emotional support dumbass.

Vigilante; I’m armed.  
Thanagarians; with what?  
Vigilante; over-confidence.

Helena; I’ve never actually been in a snowball fight.  
Vic; really?  
Helena; I don’t even know the rules. Is there like a point system, or is it to the death?

Justin; My boyfriend isn’t here and I forgot the English word for something.  
Roy; I will assist?  
Justin; you know that sea bug with the funny hands that lives in shells and sometimes outgrows them?  
Roy; Hermit crab?  
Justin; THAT’S THE WITCH

It’s cute how I used to think this “barely-holding-it-together” feeling was temporary.  
\- Vic Sage

Stargirl; You have no idea what I’m capable of!  
Ollie; Don’t take this personally, but I feel like I’m being threatened by a cupcake.

Stargirl, bursting into Zed’s room; WHO’S READY TO FUCKING DIE?!  
Zed, screaming; I’m a bad bitch! You can’t kill me!! I HAVE THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON MY SIDE!

Greg; How badly are you injured?  
Justin; Could be worse. I could have broken ALL my bones.

Alfred; Aren’t you a little too young to be running from the government?  
Roy; Aren’t you a little too old to be alive?

Superman; You use sarcasm to distance people.  
Batman; And yet your still here.

“Hop in, wankers, we’re going to hell!”  
\- John Constantine

If you don’t stoP SENDING ME MEMES OF SCP 049 YOU WILL REGRET IT  
\- Nightwing to Speedy

Speedy; broke both a window and my rib in a pillow fight  
Nightwing; HOW THE F U CK-

Speedy; [mounches table] nummy.  
Nightwing; why

Roy; I once yelled in my sleep for SCP 049 to shut the fuck up while I was watching the bee movie.  
Stargirl; I mean… fair.

Roy; Roses are red The Justice League is neat I’m fucking thirsty Lmao yeet.  
Stargirl; YEET

Roy; If you put a bee in the freezer, it will get cold and fall asleep. After it’s asleep, put it in your mouth, but don’t eat it. Just let it sit there. It will get warm and wake up. Now you have a bee in your mouth.  
Nightwing; Why the fuck would I do that?  
Stargirl; So you can BEE Hugh Apiston.

Stargirl; Hey you might not wanna mess with Dick right now, he’s a little angry.  
Speedy; what’s he gonna do? Bite my kneecaps?  
Stargirl; … fair enough.


End file.
